It must have been that time of the month.

so those feelings of being bipolar n schizo-ness n thinking that i had cancer cuz my boobies were hurting was prolly jus signs of my period coming haha.. i must say im pretty relieved.. being a big bad bitch makes me feel like crap

its gross tho.. they chose the best time to turn off the water!! -__-*

P.S. HEROES IS SO GREAT

Feeling much bitter.

mos def.. hey i might be suffering from a personality disorder or something.. im paranoid n i cant trust anyone.. n need to be assured all the time that things are ok.. i jus dont kno what it is but sometimes i wake up wit this gut feeling that something is not right.. that someone who says i should trust them is going behind my back n doing me wrong n hiding the fact from me

truth? love is great n all that but the lows are hella depressing

I may just be.

passive-aggressive.

i think i might have to seek anger management.. i always thot that its jus i was able to keep my cool n bump the hate.. that it took loathing to shake me up.. but apparently my heat is on a shallower level esp if im hella comfortable around the person whos whether or not is doing it on purpose provoking me.. when our relationship is on that thru thick n thin tip.. im more open to exposing the "real me" that i try hard to hide cuz im ashamed that its real foul.. everybody else assumes i never get angry.. truth is athome i snap at anyone who slightly crosses me.. sure i feel bad about it.. ofcourse its rare i say sorry either since i admit i got too much pride sometimes.. thankfully honest to goodness love wont let whoevers wit me turn their backs for anything

Depression.

+ loss of appetite or sex drive
+ decreased activity
+ sleeping too much

= me?


n all i been doing lately is deny or front.. but u kno what.. im kinda excited for this week.. more excited than i ever sincerely was for awhile now.. n it feels good to have a small part of me back.. ive made plans wit friends n whatnot n i cant wait to c how things turn out.. i kno itll be fun.. it already started out well :)

That's what she said.

I believe that everything happens for a reason! People change so you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you can appreciate them when they're right, you believe lies so that you will eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes, good things fall apart, so better things can fall together.

--Marilyn Monroe

mars.. thats my gurl.. yea we cool like that.. she calls me chars hahaha

ANYWAYS.. what she said sounds about right.. tho truth is i dont think there is a wrong or right.. n if good things fall apart.. im not too sure if better things do fall together.. but i kno other good things can fall together.. its jus up to us to make ourselves believe if it is the better..

Cheer up emo kid.

haha.. on a lighter note.. i feel better.. even tho its still kinda like a "build me up buttercup jus to let me down" thing

but u kno what? its whatever luv =)

i spent atleast a month too many weeks putting myself down making ugly faces stressing.. gross.. besides school ive had me on lockdown at home.. n jus on myspace.. commenting ppl i never talk to anymore.. n actually cleaning-cleaning my room! i think cleaning was actually what made me happiest.. since i spend so much time couped up in my room.. it makes me feel refreshed jus being in it.. like breathing fresh (minty) air haha =)

n wow.. i used to jus delete ppl off my myspace list whenever they stop talking to me n jus add them up again when its been too long n be like hey where have u been all my life baby? but being "emo" had its ups too i guess lols.. it brought me back to rekindle even a tiny spark of light to fizzled out friendships/acquaintances

Resolve.

wit sweaty palms i tried to hold on to it
tho the harder i gripped the quicker it slipped
all i wanted was to be out of this misery
accepting it was meant to be maybe finally find serenity
but by forcing it i was sinking more into a state of confusion
instead of simplicity i found out it was more of a complication

i kno im bringing this situation upon myself
am i tryna isolate myself n be the only one left?
jus couldnt find myself now i cant reach my friends
gotta figure me out on my own make amends
wish time would wind much faster
cuz these days are longer...

I don't regret what I did.

I regret what I didn't do.
*note to self--the best time to make a correct moral decision is before it happens

i wish i was a kid again.. cuz back then i saw in black n white.. gray areas didnt exist.. i knew exactly what i wanted.. this time around.. feelings need to be taken into account.. u jus cant do what u will esp if there are ppl involved who might get hurt.. sometimes u end up sacrificing ur own happiness jus so others may be happy.. n i guess thats enough to make urself happy.. it has to be..

There is no happiness.

i was discouraged to hear this esp cuz it came from a priest.. of all ppl y would he preach about something like that during mass.. shouldnt he be the one saying things like happiness can be found??

i didnt kno what he was getting at.. in my head i was tryna process what he jus said.. running thru things like "i guess hes right cuz happiness cant be found it can only be created"

...but thats not what he meant...

what he really had in mind was the cliche: no pain no gain


i guess in a way he was saying that being happy isnt free.. that it has to be worked for.. although there are some negative connotations to this.. i kinda do agree.. i mean Jesus carried His cross.. suffering is real.. we dont like to c it sometimes or we refuse to go thru hardships.. sometimes quitting while were ahead so as not to experience hurt.. but short-time pain leads to long-term pleasure.. we jus gotta learn how to take things in stride cuz God wouldnt put us thru something He thot we wouldnt be able to handle.. besides what doesnt kill u makes u stronger right

Time wounds all heals.

Time will keep on ticking. It's unbiased and doesn't choose to stop for anybody. And as it winds...these wounds will heal.

Some people think it's holding on that makes one strong...sometimes it's letting go. Ne-Yo was right when he sang about stupid love songs. All of them seem to remind me of what we used to have. It would've been a year yesterday, and I envy what my friend Noelle has with her boyfriend Alwin. Today, they're celebrating three years. I congratulate them. Not many couples nowadays stand the test of time.

I look at myself and think that I'm weak. A part of me said to give you a chance. Everybody deserves a second chance right? But another part of me said that it was probably meant to be with another guy. Under pressure I was pushed to make a decision, and I picked him. I already told you my reasons.

Baby, I waited for you even though you told me not to. I blindly chased after you because you kept me in the dark. You never told me your true intentions as to how "us" was going to work out. Family and friends insisted I was a fool. I never listened to them before, and I always defended you against their harsh words, but I couldn't be strong by myself anymore. You weren't there with me. I was unhappy.

I'm sorry things didn't go the way you hoped it would in the end. I didn't expect it to be like this either. Right place, wrong time? No, you're not going to be my fallback guy if things don't happen with him. I don't even know if he feels strongly enough for me. But I made a decision, so I'm going to stand by it and face the consequences that comes with that choice.